Lessons learned.. From Johnny Cash

A young cowboy named Billy Joe


grew restless on the farm


A boy filled with wonderlust


who really meant no harm


He changed his clothes and shined his boots


and combed his dark hair down


And his mother cried as he walked out


Don't take your guns to town, son


leave your guns at home, Bill


don't take your guns to town






He laughed and kissed his mom and said


you're Billy Joe's a man


I can shoot as quick and straight


as anybody can


But, I wouldn't shoot without a cause


I'd gun nobody down


But she cried again as he rode away


Don't take your guns to town, son


leave your guns at home, Bill


don't take your guns to town.






He sang a song as on he rode


his guns hung at his hips


he rode into a cattle town


a smile upon his lips


He stopped and walked into a bar


and laid his money down


but his mother's words echoed again


don't take your guns to town, son


leave your guns at home, Bill


don't take your guns to town.






He drank his first strong liquor


then to calm his shaking hand


and tried to tell himself at last


he had become a man


a dusty cowpoke at his


began to laugh him down


and he heard again his mother's words


don't take your guns to town, son


leave your guns at home, Bill


don't take your guns to town.






Filled with rage then Billy Joe


reached for his gun to draw


but the stranger drew his gun and fired


before he even saw


As Billy Joe fell to the floor


the crowd all gathered round


and wondered at his final words


don't take your guns to town, son


leave your guns at home, Bill


don't take your guns to town."

I'm at a funeral....

I am at a funeral. It's my cousins but I did not know her that well. When I look around I see many strange faces. Even the faces of the people I know are strange. They are my blood, but the years between visits make things unfamiliar. My cousins name was Delane. She lived in the same town as me. I hadn’t seen her in many years. In December the doctors said she had cancer, and now she's dead.

My mom told me that she sat at her bedside in the hospital and cried. I feel sad for my mom. When I look around the church and I see other people cry I feel sad for them too. Ever since I was a kid it was hard for me to see people cry. I guess I should be crying too but I am not hurting like I should be. I loved my cousin but I didn't really know her.

It's not that I don't have heart, because I do. Everyone knows that I am the one who always cries. It's pathetic. I cry sometimes when I watch movies, even during scenes that I don't think the movies makers intended for people to cry. Sometimes I cry when I watch shows on tv. On my favorite show LOST I probably cried a couple dozen times.

I can usually hide it really well. I angle my face slightly away from whoever is watching with me. I make a fist with one hand, (usually the hand closest to the person) and bring it up to rest my face against, like I was tired or something. And sometimes, if it's a particularly sad scene (like when Sawyer and Juliette meet again at the end of LOST) I will make a coughing sound. That way if someone hears me sniffling, they'll think that I am coming down with a cold, instead of crying.

The sad part is that I knew the characters on the show LOST better than my own cousin. But I guess that’s what time does to relationships sometimes. Not that it's the fault of time, but rather the result of it, sometimes. I've heard that some people don't even speak to their own parents. They grow up and find a career and a family, and they have insurance payments and mortgages and dance lessons, and they get too wrapped up in their own lives to bother in the lives of other people. It's much easier to worry about yourself.

Or maybe it's just that some people are too hard headed. That’s especially true with men I think; too stubborn and too proud. In school I used to fight all the time, and my teachers would often say, “Mike, it takes a bigger man to walk away.” At the time I always thought they were just trying to trick me into not getting into trouble. Now though, I see that there is some truth behind those words. It does take something more, something bigger, to reach out to someone and say, “Just calling to say hi and see how you're doing,” or “Can I help you with something?” or just plain, “I love you.”... I know this because I want to do it all the time, but I am too hard headed.